Scared to death

Today, I talked to a friend whose grandmother is sick and is not expected to live much longer. As I talked to her and felt her sadness, I became more and more upset. I could not even imagine what she is going through. I just wanted to hug her and hug her.

After I hung up, I cried... and cried...and then called Nanny.

See I know it sounds crazy, but my greatest fear in life is having to live one day without my Nanny in it. As I have said on here before, she is not just my grandmother, she is literally my best friend. I talked to her EVERYDAY, sometimes more than once. When something happens in my life, she is the first person I call. I can never think of a time, she was not there for me.

With all that being said, Ya'll, I am scared to death.

I am having major issues with my Nanny getting older and the thought that someday I will not be able to pick up the phone everyday and call her. I can't even phathom not being able to hug her, kiss her, smell her, or sit on her lap (yes, I know I am on the downward slope to 30...don't judge). I am literally, sitting here crying my eyes out at the very thought of it.

She is a happy, healthy, still working 74 year old. Her words are so encouraging and I feel so selfish when I worry about how I will be if something happens to her but I guess all I can do is cherish every second.I know that eventually it will be her time to go and I have asked her on numerous occasions for it to come after my time to go :) but I do not know what I will do at that time. I have often said I would lock myself in a room for a week and just grieve. I don't want to talk or eat or anything...just grieve.

Grits, I am thinking about you and your family with every moment today. I am here for you with a glass of wine and a shoulder.

I am going to call Nanny... for the 4th time today :)

*Pearl*